BONUS: Dr Who and The Daleks
The Doc’s now a mere human; Susan should be in primary school; Barbara is her sister; and Ian just wants to tap-dance. What the actual f**k?!
Dr (Hugh?) Who, PhD, a regular Joe-Goofy-Inventor, is enjoying a pleasant read in the sitting room with his two granddaughters, Susan Who and Barbara Who, when the latter’s boyfriend, Ian Chesterton, arrives to give his girlfriend a box of chocolates, but apparently not do anything else with her, because there’s no mention of dinner plans, theatre tickets or even a stroll. Also, not a hug or a kiss passes between them, so it appears they have the most platonic relationship any screen couple has ever had in the history of cinema.
Anyway, Dr Who has – at some point prior to sitting down in the lounge to read his comic book – completed the construction of the TARDIS. However, he really has not made any plans to use it, it seems, or in any case he’s not in a hurry to do so, because, well, he’s reading a f***king comic book instead. When Ian nearly sits down on part of the TARDIS, however, The Whos decide to give him the grand tour of it, upon which he accidentally activates it and sends them all to Skaro. Possibly. We’re never told the name of the planet, so perhaps this is another
planet populated by Daleks and Thal, which may in fact account for the many other discrepancies to follow. Holy sh*t! That’s probably it! Nailed it!!
Ok, so what ensues is a remake, more or less, of the 2nd ever William Hartnell serial, The Daleks. Before listening to this podcast episode, you may want to have a listen to our review of the original.
Messiest TARDIS ever... Barbara's hair is predictable humongous, though.
Ahh, a living, identifiable Earth flower... on an entirely different planet, where all botanical life has been eradicated.
The Thal are pretty, er... well, no, they're not. Not in this one.
Susie writes a letter (in the Thal language, one might presume) next to no less than three state-of-the-art Dalek Lava Lamps.
Again... Which freaking language did little Susie write her effing note in?
Dalek hand. I don't have a joke for this one.
Ian spots a Dalek sinker in the dirty swamp water by the sewage outlet, after deciding to wash his face in it.
On a more positive note, check out this gorgeous matte painting.
I kid you not. Fast-forward to this bit and you'll see the Thal at the bottom accidentally grabbing on to Ian's shoe!
Left to right: (1) Ian's grandpa ass – (2) Barbara's amazing ass! – (3) Twig stuck in Thal's ass
Dalek Commander from the POV of his balls.
Possibly the only 'I refuse to catch that rope' scene to ever appear in a film.
So apparently we're dumb enough to watch this stupid film... (cont'd)
(cont'd) ... and so is Dalek #347.
Those centurions look pretty huge. ('The Romans' meets 'Planet of Giants'?)