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Definitely-not-a-monk invites newish companion Clara Oswald into his snog box

Run-of-the-mill internet luddite, Clara Oswald, is busy scavenging a bereaved family’s wifi when the woman in the shop advises her to call the best helpline in the universe and she’s put through to the Doctor, moonlighting as a mad monk in 13th Century Cumbria.

Lo, what light through yonder timeline breaks. ‘Tis her, The Impossible Girl and the start of the Clarathon.

Something great and intelligent has employed a band of big data stooges to harvest human minds through the internet and soon set their sights on her.

Coincidentally, this all happens just as the Doctor arrives on her doorstep a time jump and a bowtie later. And together, they embark on a mission-cute to save mankind from everlasting digitisation while at the same time taking in the sights of London.

Here's what we think of N095 The Bells of Saint John

We rate Doctor Who stories on a scale from 0.0 to 5.0. For context, very few are excellent enough to merit a 5.0 in our minds, and we'd take a 0.0 Doctor Who story over a lot of other, non-Whovian stuff out there.

Leon | @ponken


Drew | @drewbackwhen


Marie | @hammashandjelly


Here's what we think of N095 The Bells of Saint John

We rate Doctor Who stories on a scale from 0.0 to 5.0. For context, very few are excellent enough to merit a 5.0 in our minds, and we'd take a 0.0 Doctor Who story over a lot of other, non-Whovian stuff out there.

Leon | @ponken


Drew | @drewbackwhen


Marie | @hammashandjelly


Here's what you think 5 Responses to “N095 The Bells of Saint John”
  1. Trenton Bless | @trentonbless

    SPOILER ALERT: The title had nothing to do with the story AT ALL with the exception of one tiny scene. Strap in, boys and girls. This is gonna be a doozy!

    So, enter Clara Oswald. If the last episode was a masterclass on how to introduce a companion, they took a complete 180 here. I don’t very much care for this Clara. She’s boring, bland, and gets kinda dragged in instead of becoming interested like Victorian Clara or even Oswin from Asylum of the Daleks. Even her “Bigger on the Inside Moment” was rushed. THEY BLEW IT!

    I like the concept of the episode. In our modern world, WiFi is everything. So what happens if the WiFi attacks? Creepy spoonheads, mind control, a form of possession even. I find the concept brilliant on it’s own. But why do they need to shoehorn the Great Intelligence into this one? Couldn’t we get somebody new? It’s not a big issue, but still.

    The Doctor was great, though. He’s very curious about all this stuff surrounding Clara. And that new outfit is just brilliant! I mean, it’s definitely his best.

    Overall, this is how NOT to introduce a companion. This is basically The Snowmen but with all the good stuff taken out of it. While it has it’s good stuff, the bad stuff is hard to ignore. 2.7/5

  2. Michael Ridgway | @Bad_Movie_Club

    Things I liked:

    – Technology-gone-bad.
    – The “Earl’s Court was an embarrassment” line.
    – The Doctor motorbiking up the Shard. Though, naturally, not as good as the Seventh Doctor’smultiple motorbiking escapades.

    Things my daughter liked:

    – She clapped and giggled at the disturbing aeroplane scene as uploaded passengers hurled to their doom. Then she reenacted it with Playmobil.


    – Are the trapped consciousnesses in a simulation of their own world? They seem to be in the places they got Spoonheaded – can they not leave that location? Can they chat to/hang out with other uploaded consciousnesses? There seem to be a fair few uploaded people – surely an epidemic of lifeless bodies would be newsworthy? How have the restaurant people been ‘hacked’? They can’t have been uploaded because they’d be lifeless bodies, or are they Spoonheads, or were they uploaded/then downloaded? Can anyone be ‘hacked’? Can only the Doctor see the ‘hacked’ newsreader? Why is Clara’s consciousness trapped in a door intercom? Why was Miss Kizlet recruited as a child? Why is this even happening? To what end? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.

    – The Doctor committing mass murder. Kizlet acknowledges that most consciousnesses have no live bodies to go back to. Killing them is a super-big moral decision. What right did the Doctor have to do this so flippantly without consulting the consciousnesses? And why didn’t he seem to give a shit? He totally could have put the consciousnesses into a simulated world as he did with River.

    – That painting looks nothing like Clara. The Doctor’s a thousand years old – He should be Tony Hart!

    – Spoonheads. Team Moffat has cornered the people-but-not-people creepy vibe. Unfortunately, he’s done it to death. And let’s face it: A Spoonhead is not a Yeti. Where’s my f**cking Yeti!? You think this some kind of joke? You think my dedicated fandom, through the wilderness years, is to be teased and mocked? How do you think the only Doctor Who fan in a dog-rough Northern High School resembling Kes went down in PE class? I shed blood supporting this show and all I ask is for a man or women to waddle around in an unconvincing Yeti costume.

    Summary: Yeti snatchers.

    Rating: 1.2/5 bars of evil WiFi that leads to a broken webpage saying ‘The robotic Yeti you requested cannot be found’.

  3. Star Wars Syl | @StarWarsSyl

    We are finally beginning the Clara era and I am very excited about where we go from here! Clara is my absolute favorite companion.

    That being said, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the Doctor making Clara say “Doctor Who” multiple times and then giggling. I’m assuming you guys did not like it.

    I do like that the Doctor found a whole bunch of parts that did not go together, and his first thought was that it must be something disassembled, so he’d put whatever it was back together. It was precious. He spent a lot of time being precious this episode.

    Given the little hearts in my eyes right now, it may surprise you to learn that I found the plot uninteresting. It will affect my rating, but I love the characters in this episode so much that it doesn’t really bother me that if this was an Amy or Rose episode, I’d be bored.

    I enjoy it whenever Clara is on screen. There is such a wonder in her eyes, and she challenges the Doctor, but does it in a charming way, the opposite of obnoxious. I like that she turned the Doctor down, told him to try again tomorrow.

    3.5 out of 5 ringing TARDIS bells

  4. Tracey | @yecartniatnuof

    Hey folks how have you been? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I could stand to have more Twitter emojis in my life. This week I have made you some randomly labeled information and a rating. Don’t worry, I wrote it in words. This time.

    The Plot:
    The Bells of St John aka reboot of The Wire…I think? I gotta be honest; I’m finding it hard to remember the plot to either of them. So…I guess energy monsters need to use your face, to steal your energy, somehow, and also they can give it all back later for plot reasons?

    Do you like it?:
    It’s weird, but I’m really enjoying the episode as I watch it. I think it’s all the intrigue, banter, and adventure music.

    As with the last episode, this one’s scored to reflect how cool or sexy Matt Smith is or else his level of confusion.

    I just feel like we don’t know her at all and neither does the Doctor, he only thinks he does based on the other Oswalds. And I’m disappointed the cleverest she gets to be is based on info her brain shouldn’t have.

    Nominee for best moment:
    To stop the plane from crashing into them, they materialize on the plane, which is terribly badass.

    I hope Drew is on the show
    Rating: Drew Back When, Excellent Branding!

  5. Keil | @MASSFLPanthers

    Hi everyone,

    Hope the booze if flowing and the Who is glowing. (Best I can do)

    I remember liking this episode when I saw it in first run. Not so good this time.

    Good Things

    Clara’s energy. OMG, she so not the Ponds that was so refreshing. In my Companions ranking only Rose, Sara Jane, and Donna are higher.

    Doctor needing to figure out the Mystery of Clara and not being able to pull out of thin air was refreshing.

    Bad Things

    If I wanted to watch Bond or the Matrix, I would watch them. Not a Doctor Who Rip off.

    I had to read Wikipedia to figure out who Miss Kizlet was, and that her client was the great intelligence. BTW why that a 2 second gloss over is another point loss.

    2.3 rating (because the plot made as much sense as a Bond one), But I’ll bring it up to 2.7 because of Clara.

    Keep up the great work


    My Guess
    Marie 4
    Drew 2.9
    Leon 3.1
    Jim 2.6

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